Embracing Life: How a Crisis of Faith Taught Me to Live Fully in the Present

When I was 29 years old, just about to turn 30, I realized that I was going to die. 

Not at that moment. However, on the cusp of a new decade of life, I realized for the first time that I would eventually die a physical death. I had been raised in a very Evangelical Baptist church and family.  I truly believed that “the Rapture” was coming in my lifetime, and that I would not need to die, but would be caught into Heaven with Christ while living. At nearly 30 years old, I realized that would not happen for me. 

The Moment I Realized My Mortality:

A Spiritual Awakening

The realization came while praying. Jesus was the Son of Man, and he died a very violent death. He had been the victim of the political and religious-social elite of his day, who silenced him by death because they believed: “If we leave him alone, all will believe in him, and the Romans will come* and take away both our land and our nation” (John 11:48).

Jesus the Son of God was resurrected after death and appeared to his disciples on the planet for 40 days. Yet his body had been changed from the earthly body he had before the Crucifixion. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that, “Christ’s Resurrection was not a return to earthly life… In his risen body he passes from the state of death to another life beyond time and space” (para. 646). For this reason, his changed body was not easily recognizable by his own disciples and close followers. There are several accounts in the Gospel that show his followers had no idea they were speaking to Jesus until he “revealed” himself in some way. 

If Jesus the Son of Man and Son of God actually died a physical death in a historical time period, then so would I die a physical death. 

When Heaven Meets Earth: Reimagining Religious Perspectives

This realization sent me into a terrible crisis of faith. I spoke to my dear friend, who is Jewish, and she recommended that I talk to her Rabbi about my concerns and fear of death. I did speak to the Rabbi, and he taught me a profound lesson that has shaped my faith until the present moment.  “Christianity and Islam are ‘Other Worldly’ religions, but Judaism is a ‘This World’ Religion,” he said. 

The Rabbi explained to me that in Judaism, they believe that the earth, and everything and everyone on it, are expressions of God’s love and blessing. Therefore, Jewish people are focused on the here-and-now on earth; enjoying and appreciating the gift of God’s love and blessing that is found in just being human.

However, in both Christianity and Islam, believers are taught that the earth and worldly living are just passing phases on the way to Heaven. The emphasis of these faith traditions is on the next world in Heaven, and this world on earth is merely preparation for Heaven.  In my Evangelical Baptist upbringing, I definitely experienced the focus of earthly life as a means to get to heaven. In fact, it was that emphasis on life-after-death that brought me to my crisis of faith as I approached my 30th birthday. 

Beyond the Afterlife:

Finding Meaning in the Here and Now

In more than a decade since that time, I have greatly expanded my faith. As the Rabbi explained to me, God would not destroy his own good creation. I have come to see my life as a tremendous gift to be enjoyed here and now.   As Fr. Richard Rohr teaches, we were created in “original goodness”.

I found a reconciliation of the wisdom that the Jewish Rabbi taught me, and my Baptist upbringing in the Catholic Church. Yes. The Catholic Church teaches the “Resurrection of the Body” and “Life Everlasting,” the same as I was taught in the Baptists tradition. However, I have experienced the emphasis of Catholicism to be on living this life as an expression of the Kingdom of God. 

From Waiting for Heaven to Creating Heaven on Earth

“By virtue of the Holy Spirit, Christian life is already now on earth a participation in the Resurrection of Christ” (CCC, para. 1002)... “United with Christ by Baptism, believers already truly participate in the heavenly life of the risen Christ”(CCC, para. 1003). 

My mission for myself– and anyone who wants to join me– is to bring a little heaven to earth by the way I live my life. As Jesus taught us to pray, “Our Father in Heaven… your kingdom come, your will be done on earth” (Matthew 6:9-10). 

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